Why he picked her is simply because he didn't want to lose her in the first place. It has nothing to do with the distance. If I had been in her position, he would have done the same for me, he said. Which makes the whole thing a little extra absurd to me. I want to mention though that he didn't have close relationships before, and no one would ever expect anyone to do everything right when they do things for the first time.
I'm not sure if I get the second part of the question right, but for me having sex with someone is something between me and the person I have sex with. It has nothing to do with her and I'm not taking anything away from her. Of course, it will probably hurt her a lot and I feel very sorry about that, but I refuse to feel responsible for it. She thinks that me having sex with him might change his feelings for her, which is not the truth, so I'm not willing to act as if it was. I will not ask for anyone else's permission if I want to have sex with someone who wants to have sex with me too, just make sure that other people I was romantically involved with, would know. That might sound quite radical and coldhearted, but I couldn't be further away from not caring about other people's feelings. I just can't and won't take over responsibility for how they feel. I think it's not ok though that although he has a monogamous relationship with her, he has sex with someone else, that it happened behind her back, and that he hasn't told her yet. But I think he already started lying to himself and to her when he agreed to become her boyfriend, making her feel as if she were more important to him than me. Hope that answers your question?
Last edited by Purpurea; 02-11-2011 at 10:31 AM.