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Old 02-11-2011, 07:31 AM
Tolvelski Tolvelski is offline
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 8

Ill admit, very good questions. Well to answer the first thing about getting her on here. She is blindly stubborn, she feels that she knows what she is doing in her heart and is following her feeling she said. When it comes down to it, I try to find answers and work things out, she goes with gut instinct. I've already done plenty of research in other websites to learn what a poly relationship is and kinda how it works. I've tried getting her to read these things with me but she goes back to saying she is following her heart and I can take whatever one else says and all my research and pretty much shove it. Like I said, blindly stubborn. Luckly though with enough effort and time, this has yet to stop me with past things we have had problems with. Now as you can see, I am here asking for help because I like to not only think Im right but also be able to back it up with reasons and support and if Im wrong then so be it. I search for the truth and dont really care if I am right or wrong so long as I find the truth. So pretty much I'd love for her to join me on her so that we might better this situtaion but she has to accept that she doesn't know everything and I know being 17 make that hard for her. Even though Im only 18 myself, people agree Im pretty smart and mature for my age. But also being the same age just a year ago I know how easy it is to say screw you to every one else.

Anyways, moving onto you first question. How did I know whether he was cheating or a poly. Well for starters I know a poly relationship is based off of honesty and trust. He was nether honest nor trustworthy and I know that people with in the relationship have a say. She had no say in the matter and he went back to his ex and was having intercourse with her without my girlfriend even knowing about it. She found out one day when he brought her over and she questioned who she was and he told her and what they had been doing. Along with cheating on her he was also abusive, he would hit her, choke her and degrade her. Which is why when I started going out with my girlfriend she was majorly depressive and preformed in self manipulation with a razor to her arm. Luckily over time I helped her out of this and she is happier and better off without him and what he caused. Now I know all this might not be able to answer the question fully since I would need her to explain it all to you, but if you had to go through all the months of work that I had to, to help her back on her feet after her previous boyfriend. You too would know he was not the type of person expected to be in a poly relationship nor even just a good person at heart.

Now your next question, what have we done about jealousy. Honestly "we" have done nothing. "I" have tried to work on it personally since when I first met her I was the unbearable type of jealous. I didn't like people even looking at her in a way that might seem threatening to me or my relationship. Luckily I have made improvements to better myself in this matter but I'll admit I can only do so much alone and I still am the jealous type. My girlfriend on the other hand doesn't believe herself to be jealous. She believes herself to be completely open and carefree when this is not true. And all I can say is good luck getting her to admit anything that goes against what she says without a fight, and I have had to fight a lot of battles with her. But I dont care, I love her and I continue to help her. Problem is I try to get others to help also and she feels that Im turning people against her even when I get help for both of us. But back to the original question, I know Im jealous but I'm willing to get help from whoever can give it. She on the other hand is in denial and refuses to admit it and refuses to listen to myself or anyone else who tries to help her. The only reason I can help her is cause we love each other and she trust me so given enough time I do help her.

Now you're final question, what part of a poly relationship does she think she is successful at? Well she wont say, she says she knows what she is doing, that she has done it before and that she can do it. That's all she has said on the subject. Personally, Ive asked her questions like "how many poly relationships has she been in" and she answered "one" and she said it was with one of her friends and the ex that I and to help her recover from which instantly struck me as not counting since I know how he was and what he did to her and that was not a poly relationship. It was a mono between her and her ex girlfriend and she had a guy who she called her boyfriend who actually only had her around to have sex with and take his anger out on by beating her. She replied that the point is that she has had poly relationship before even though she hasn't. I also even asked her if she was she about this wanting a poly relationship and the fact that she could do it but of course she said yes. Afterward I had to stop talking cause she easily feels cornered so I had to back off otherwise it would break out into fight which I didn't want. And that kinda leads me to my next point, we already have a relationship and it is hard enough with just me and her, plus she tried to break up with me yesterday so that she could try for a poly relationship without giving me a chance to defend myself. Luckily I was able to dodge that bullet and now we're in this together.

I hope that was able to give some insight to our problems.
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