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Old 02-11-2011, 06:54 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

We have been talking about pacing on the FB group I admin... I thought I would add this bit in here that someone wrote as I found it interesting and perhaps useful.

"I was thinking about this question some more and about how we've been phrasing it ("going at the pace of", "processing speeds") as if it were a progression towards an end point or goal. It's easy to view our lives this way, but I started thinking, What if I thought about it in a non-linear, non-goal oriented way? Suddenly, my buddhist learning kicked in, and I realized the common experience of all parties in this situation is an experience of suffering, either because of not getting what we might want, or because of fear of losing something we have, or out of guilt over causing pain to a loved one. In a situation where anyone is suffering, the immediate response of caring people is to ask, how do I relieve this suffering, if I can?

I like to start this process internally, by questioning why I want something so badly, or why I'm afraid of loss. I like to remind myself that guilt is the way we keep ourselves in the loop of suffering because many of us have been taught that guilt is virtuous, or because we've been convinced it's normal, familiar and serves a purpose other than making suffering worse for everyone.

After looking at my own suffering and hopefully feeling a bit more in control, if not quite a bit better, I can turn my attention to my loved ones, and ask what I can do to relieve their suffering. Listening more closely to their description of what they feel and why is a good start. Perhaps I can offer to help make changes that will put them more at ease, or at the very least I can remind them about the nasty guilt loop that they, too, should avoid. Sometimes I might not be able to do anything BUT listen; who knows, though, how much my demonstration of sincere caring might comfort and strengthen another person?

Looking at life as a continuous cycle of attachment, suffering, and returning to awareness is a viewpoint that brings me a lot less anxiety and pressure than the desire to "get towards a goal". While we may see time and even our lives as linear, our emotions are definitely NOT, cycling back upon each other again and again until we bring focus, compassion and awareness to the fears and desires that cause us to suffer.

I'm not advocating "slowing down" but rather, opening up to the world of our feelings in a way that acknowledges ALL of them in a situation before committing an action."
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