Originally Posted by CeleryPerhaps
when I initially brought up that I was feeling jealous and hurt by her seeing this new fellow, I was told that she loved me, she didn't want to lose me but she would understand if I couldn't handle a poly relationship. Is this "This is how I am, and if you want to love me than this is how it will be" mentality normal? This is my first and only exposure to poly relationship dynamics and within it I feel like telling someone you don't want them to see a 3rd partner is a major faux pas and controlling. This seems kind of confirmed by the fact that her original partner seems to have no problem with her dating this new guy.
This seems rather uncaring and like she is blowing off your feelings... It sounds like she is saying, "if you can't stand the heat get out of the fire and go date someone else..." I suppose you could. She has a right to believe that if everyone she dates, who hasn't experienced poly before. just can't handle it right out of the gate then it isn't worth working on it with them. To me that defeats even loving someone. I can't imagine telling my partners that as I love them and want them to be comfortable. I want to work on things with them together because I want them to strengthen our bond and to work towards a future... to me people in my life are an investment... not a commodity that is easily replaced when a new model comes along. To her, the people in her life might mean something different. If you love her and want to be with her and work on your connection, then check out where she is at. If that isn't compatible then move on. Why wait around only to be hurt.