Thread: Mirror Mirror
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Old 02-11-2011, 06:13 AM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,950

Originally Posted by Fayerweather View Post

My mother often makes barely veiled suggestions that one of my boyfriends is better/more successful/nicer than the other and that I should break up with the one and stay with the other. My mother, sister and women friends often imply slyly that I'm more attractive/nicer/or better than my boyfriend's girlfriend. She and I are close and I love her very much, so these implications are hurtful and irritating to say the least.
Annoying though it may be, it's probably automatic...
They're most likely stuck in the script...the closest fit is the one that people use when they have to support their family/friend after a breakup...the one where they tear down and disparage the ex's new squeeze to help the friend feel better.
Understanding that might not make their comments any better, but knowing that it's a default behavior might open the possibility to try and reprogram it, or at least give them a different script to work on. Maybe one that doesn't have to involve them getting down on your meta's.

Originally Posted by Fayerweather View Post

What is even more frustrating is that I'm beginning to see Polyamory as a mirror that you hold up to people's fears and insecurities. Every time I come out to someone in my life, I'm instantly confronted with homophobia (I'm not gay/bi and neither are my partners or my partner's partner), or fierce disclaimers that they could NEVER do that sort of thing.
I have no actual experience in dealing with this kind of reaction...although I'm sure it'll happen eventually.

I have this thing where if I'm talking about my favorite movie or something, and someone tells me very abruptly about how they didn't like that movie, my default response is to say, "well, that's your problem" and I carry on with whatever the point was.

So my first inclination as I read this thing about their disclaimers, would be to console them and tell them something to the effect of "That's ok, I'll still love you (as a friend) anyways"

Originally Posted by Fayerweather View Post

It seems as if the way I choose to love is a direct reminder to every mono person in my life of every tiny little insecurity or fear they might have. Fear of their own partner's possible infidelity, fear of change, fear of jealousy or fears about their sense of worth in their relationships. It's really a stunning example of psychological projection at work
Yes, yes it is.

Originally Posted by Ithink View Post

2. Who gave society the right to make any judgement at all about what consenting adults are doing in the privacy of their own homes??
The short answer...our great great grandparents by policy, and ourselves by submission or apathy. We'll have to see if the Charter and Trudeau's thoughts about the bedrooms of the nation will hold. I still have hopes for the Reference's just too bad it won't do much for our southern neighbors.
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

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