Originally Posted by CeleryPerhaps
Yea, This is one of the things I considered. I really would hate to break it all down to some competition, where I want to be the victor but the sad reality is that may just be what it is. If that's the case, It's just something I need to see if I can get over mentally, and be happy with my "role" in the relationship.
There's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to feel "special". I mean who wouldn't want to meet a poly woman and then have them not be interested in starting up a new relationship with someone else for a long time or not again? It means she's really into you. Personally I would feel like I was just another one of many if she found someone new a few weeks/months after meeting me. She could be a NRE/Puppy Love addict, which open polyamory assists her with.
However I guess you knew going into it the whole story, so yah. I know there are mono people involved only with a poly person and no one else but I'm not really sure how these relationships work. Maybe they don't need much out of a relationship so whatever time they do get is fine for them? Maybe the poly person gives up other areas of their life to spend it with their lovers instead, who knows. It's probably a fine balancing act for those it works with.
So you have to work out if it's just a minor jealousy emotion coming up or a real problem due to lack of time with her. Either way I don't think acting "desperate" all of a sudden or being jealous/upset around her is going to make her feel more attracted to you. So I would just start playing it cool if I was you. You need to start looking at her the way she looks at you. She doesn't _need_ you (and to many people this is why polyamory is so cool, not being reliant on only one), so you need to start thinking the same way. You can rarely change people through words alone, so if she was to come around to being your primary or something along these lines it's going to take some action on your part.