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Old 02-10-2011, 05:48 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Ohio
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If you're signing off Mono, I'm not sure I should even post a reply - ?! But here's my .02 anyway

I hear some discrepency in your posts about Leo -- and of course I don't know the guy, so bear with me on my comments based on a very, very limited scope. Mono says he would trust Leo with RP's heart... but then I read that Leo has mental health issues and a drinking problem. From what I've experienced personally, alcohol only makes mental health problems WORSE, so that would need to be addressed before he could be seen as a healthy, trustworthy person. RP is very wise to back off on pursuing that relationship. It sounds like he has some things to work on, himself. (I struggle with a savior complex so I could see this being incredibly hard to do. But what this man needs is a friend, not a lover, until he gets his head on straight, so I think you are smart. In AA I know they recommend that a sponsor be of the same gender, and this is probably one of the reasons why. Sex can be a great diversion from dealing with substance abuse and addiction issues).

Regarding boundaries and crossing them.... for one thing poly is all about crossing the conventional boundaries of monogamy. So we are already in some wild waters to begin with! It is difficult to decide whether to uphold a boundary or not when you are not clear on the consequences. Is it not???

How can we know what will break a relationship and what will not? Scary.

I do think of that old poem (and Sting song ): "If you love something set it free..." How much can we trust that the person we love will come back to us? I love having the freedom to follow my heart, even when my heart gets me into some places that end up hurting. If my intentions were pure, if I only meant to love, and had no malice in my heart, how can that be so terribly bad?

Just my thoughts...
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