Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
The question is...to what ends? That is our ultimate dilemma is it not? Growing and learning are words used to describe what goal?
If I may, can a play a bit of devil's advocate? I could be wrong but when I read this I think that budging, growing and learning are directly related to me relaxing my boundaries around men entering our lives. To me (and I would suspect a lot of mono people) that would not be growth...but a sacrifice that I will ultimately have to look very hard at if I am to be in your life the way I am today. What else could these words refer to in the context of this thread?
For me...."growth" implies an "increase in". There's no guarantee that "stretching" one's self to "grow" will create "increase" in one's life. It could also result in a rubber band effect of snapping...thus lessening one's capacity/abilities...or in this case the "sacrifice" that Mono talks about. For some, stretching one's self to grow....to remain in choice...may be setting a firm boundary or limit and saying "NO!" No this isn't ok. No this won't work for me. No I don't know how to explain myself so you'll understand, or even so that I'll intellectually understand my position. I just know (intuitively?) this won't work for me. Growth wouldn't necessarily be that "I will attempt to see things from your perspective....or try things from your perspective"...it may be "I will respect my perspective and know it is right for me." (This is coming from someone who has been co-dependent in the past and so busy trying to see things from other's perspectives to be "fair" that I often neglected my own wants and needs! For me, "Growth" was learning to say "No" and "Yes" to my wants and needs.)