Originally Posted by redpepper
[...] So you are cheating then! I think you have a lot of fessing up to do and a lot of apologizing. You have destroyed the trust of another and come off as uncaring about it. Cheating is not poly. It's cheating... [...] you have already built a relationship on lies and dishonesty. The one you are in is based on that... you are still not in a poly relationship. You are having an affair. [...] There are a lot of poly people but not too many that would be interested in a cheater. Poly comes with a set of values that don't involve cheating. Poly is based on full knowledge and consent of all parties involved. You are not practising this [...]
While I agree with most of your comments (not just the ones I quote here), I think you're being a little harsh on Pupurea
, and I don't agree at all with your evaluation that she "come[s] off as uncaring about it" or your calling her a "cheater". As she's said, she's "new to polyamory [... has] always been polyamorous throughout my life, I guess, I just wasn't aware of it."
I myself am new to the term
and the movement
"polyamory", and there's much for me to learn. Purpurea
comes across to me as someone not at all new to the feeling, but new to the practice
- and for a while, it was
polyamory, because the "other woman" did know about it. SORRY!
Not quite correct. It's not polyamory without all parties' consent.
But I assume that we're all feeling our ways along in this relatively new movement, I certainly feel that Purpurea
's heart is in the right place, and I think that advice to a "newbie" from someone with more experienced in the movement should be more kind, forgiving, and understanding than judgemental.