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Old 02-10-2011, 06:25 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post

It leaves me wondering-as the most successful "poly/mono" couple that many of us have encountered..... is the key in the fact that you aren't the primary partner? Not in some other ethereal thing that "we" are looking for?
Watching GG has made me wonder this as well. He's not my husband. Would he be so "ok" with me having other lovers if he were? I'm not so sure he would... I'm not so sure he wouldn't. I just don't know and there isn't a way to find out now is there?

So-from a scientific perspective one has to accept that it MIGHT be that the fact that he (and you) aren't the primary spouse is the reason why you can be mono and functionally maintain a relationship with a poly S.O.

Real life experience here: I wasn't ok with my ex-wife exploring a relationship with a woman when I was married, although I tried and pushed it. If she had of mentioned wanting another man I would have left.
Speaking for myself...I wouldn't have married a poly woman as a mono. I believe being a secondary does in fact relate to my being healthy and happy as a part of Redpepper and her husband's life. When I had an affair with a married woman I encouraged her to work on her relationship with her husband and felt no jealousy towards their time together as well. They were married...I was the other man. Same feeling of compersion but it was laced with deceit and hurting him behind his back.

In short...my monopoly relationship relies on the healthy sustenance of her primary relationship with her husband.
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