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Old 02-10-2011, 05:20 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by Purpurea View Post
The other girl couldn't handle the situation though and made him choose between becoming her monogamous boyfriend or losing her. I'm sure, if you never felt deep love for two people at the same time, it's hard to understand what it is like. He chose to join in a monogamous relationship with her, labelling our relationship as "close friends", which means we will continue to spend our lives together, spend lots of time together, plan to live close to one another, talk a lot, be emotionally close, cuddle, kiss. We just won't have sex. (Where does "sex" start, by the way?! )
Sex starts where his girlfriend says it starts... I am guessing he hasn't checked this out with her. I think this is very important to check on as you likely have crossed a line somewhere already and are good to go in the cheating realm... if this is to work then I would suggest this gets cleared up as soon as possible so as to have a good foundation of integrity, honesty, respect and compassionate consideration for all involved... these to me are the basis of good relationships. Especially poly ones.

Originally Posted by Purpurea View Post
So we are friends now, and so far it works "perfectly" as he has cheated on her with me a couple of times already He keeps thinking it's a personal weakness and he just has to become stronger to resist me.
So you are cheating then! I think you have a lot of fessing up to do and a lot of apologizing. You have destroyed the trust of another and come off as uncaring about it. Cheating is not poly. It's cheating...

I suggest you look at some of the threads hear on the foundations of poly and cheating. You can find them by doing a tag search for "foundations" "lessons" and "cheating." You have a lot of work to do to make this right. The first thing to do is realize what you have done. Just because the two of you love each other does not make it okay to fuck each other and go behind someone elses back to do it...

Originally Posted by Purpurea View Post
I'm pretty sure I will rather stay single for the rest of my life than ending up in a monogamous relationship again that is built on lies and dishonesty.
you have already built a relationship on lies and dishonesty. The one you are in is based on that... you are still not in a poly relationship. You are having an affair. Call it what it is and then decide if you are either okay with it of not, but please don't call it poly. I doubt there will be many here that will be okay with your using the term for what you are doing.

Originally Posted by Purpurea View Post
I'm not sure if I will ever find people who I can have polyamorous relationships with, I find it hard to imagine that this will happen in the near future. Seems now that with becoming aware of being polyamorous, the number of people I could build up a close, long-lasting relationship with has reduced drastically. There seem to be so little of you guys out there But of course, you never know
There are a lot of poly people but not too many that would be interested in a cheater. Poly comes with a set of values that don't involve cheating. Poly is based on full knowledge and consent of all parties involved. You are not practising this, therefore in my eyes are not poly and would not be interested in you... if you want to attract poly love, then I suggest that you start learning what that is.

I feel for you. You have a "friend" that is stringing you a long. You are cheating on his girlfriend and he is using you for sex because he "can't control himself"... how long that will last is until he loses interest in the sex I think. The thrill of cheating or the thrill of it being under the table perhaps?... I would suspect that he is full of shit and you are enjoying his "I can't keep my hands off of you" bit... that is really quite sad and I wish for you that you find someone that is willing to cherish you in your entirety once you get your act together and act with some integrity.
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