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Old 02-10-2011, 04:38 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Absolutely Autumn,

Which is why I've started making significant changes. Because I've recognized it as being "just bad behavior" and not actually "just needing time to work through it".

BUT-isn't that what it is when any person is allowing their insecurities or fears to control their behavior instead of working through those issues?

Poly/mono/single/committed-does it matter what your circumstances?

That's part of the problem as I see it. When I've written about the issues-as they arise, the answer is ALWAYS that I need to go at his pace, because he's the "slowest" (if you question my honesty-not saying you do-please feel free to read through my complaining threads). The thing is-that I did try to accept that rule of thumb, and it turned out that it's not the "right answer".

Likewise-many of the threads I've read on here that were poly-people struggling with partners who weren't ready for them to "have a lover" or "move to the next step" with a lover-were in the same boat as I am. Dealing with a partner who knew already that they had personal insecurities and fears driving bad behavior-but weren't holding themselves accountable to deal with those...

SO-I question whether it's always a good idea to tell someone to go the pace of the slowest person. I think it would make more sense to say that all parties need to address their personal issues and THEN they can address whether or not a slower pace is warranted... or SOMETHING....
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