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Old 02-10-2011, 04:38 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,509

Absolutely Autumn,

Which is why I've started making significant changes. Because I've recognized it as being "just bad behavior" and not actually "just needing time to work through it".

BUT-isn't that what it is when any person is allowing their insecurities or fears to control their behavior instead of working through those issues?

Poly/mono/single/committed-does it matter what your circumstances?

That's part of the problem as I see it. When I've written about the issues-as they arise, the answer is ALWAYS that I need to go at his pace, because he's the "slowest" (if you question my honesty-not saying you do-please feel free to read through my complaining threads). The thing is-that I did try to accept that rule of thumb, and it turned out that it's not the "right answer".

Likewise-many of the threads I've read on here that were poly-people struggling with partners who weren't ready for them to "have a lover" or "move to the next step" with a lover-were in the same boat as I am. Dealing with a partner who knew already that they had personal insecurities and fears driving bad behavior-but weren't holding themselves accountable to deal with those...

SO-I question whether it's always a good idea to tell someone to go the pace of the slowest person. I think it would make more sense to say that all parties need to address their personal issues and THEN they can address whether or not a slower pace is warranted... or SOMETHING....
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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