Which is why I've started making significant changes. Because I've recognized it as being "just bad behavior" and not actually "just needing time to work through it".
BUT-isn't that what it is when any person is allowing their insecurities or fears to control their behavior instead of working through those issues?
Poly/mono/single/committed-does it matter what your circumstances?
That's part of the problem as I see it. When I've written about the issues-as they arise, the answer is ALWAYS that I need to go at his pace, because he's the "slowest" (if you question my honesty-not saying you do-please feel free to read through my complaining threads). The thing is-that I did try to accept that rule of thumb, and it turned out that it's not the "right answer".
Likewise-many of the threads I've read on here that were poly-people struggling with partners who weren't ready for them to "have a lover" or "move to the next step" with a lover-were in the same boat as I am. Dealing with a partner who knew already that they had personal insecurities and fears driving bad behavior-but weren't holding themselves accountable to deal with those...
SO-I question whether it's always a good idea to tell someone to go the pace of the slowest person. I think it would make more sense to say that all parties need to address their personal issues and THEN they can address whether or not a slower pace is warranted... or SOMETHING....