Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
Our whole family is suffering because he says he cant live like this-moves out for a few weeks, moves back again saying he was wrong and doesn't know what the hell he was thinking-then repeat.....
That's what I'd call bad behavior--playing a game, whether intentional or not. That you tolerate it means to me that you're simply enabling bad behavior. At some point, the bad behavior has to stop, whether by him stopping it or you stopping yourself from further enabling it.
There's nothing about poly that requires people tolerate bad behavior more than if it were happening in a mono relationship. Dysfunctional behavior is dysfunctional behavior. Anything that is bad for a relationship is bad for poly relationships the same as mono relationships.
At this point, his behavior is disrupting everybody's lives and is healthy for absolutely nobody. I'll wager that little can be worked out until that behavior stops. If he can't or won't stop it, it falls to you to stop it. If you allow it continue on indefinitely, then you become as responsible for the bad behavior as he is.