Thanks for your kind words, damncatfish. i don't think you have to be a poly expert to give your opinion, so i thank you for replying.
You have some very perceptive words, about human flaws, and forgiveness.
Yes, I am concerned about the damage done to our trust, and if I were living apart from this man, and hadn't built up a life together, this would be a deal breaker for me too. This wasn't an ongoing affair. He owned up to what he'd done immediately, without subterfuge. Perhaps his actions in the coming days will determine whether he deserves forgiveness. I promise to take your advice and not be a doormat