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Old 02-09-2011, 12:38 PM
Purpurea Purpurea is offline
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 44
Default Polyamorous love triangle

Hi, I don't really need any advice, but since I'm new here, and also new to polyamory, I thought this would fit best in this section.

I have always been polyamorous throughout my life, I guess, I just wasn't aware of it. I remember always having strong feelings for more than one person at a time, but thought it was a personal weakness that I'm not able to love just one person and be sexually faithful. So I struggled many times choosing between two people, hiding my true feelings from my partners, praising the rewards of giving up close emotional relationships and sex with others for one person, and still wasn't able to maintain a monogamous relationship longer than two years.

I was married last year when I met someone else whom I felt so much love for, that I finally didn't want to hide any more. My husband couldn't stand it and broke up with me, calling me ruthless and selfish for not respecting his wish to have a monogamous relationship with me. The other person had another close relationship with some other girl, claiming to love both of us equally much. I admit that I felt jealous in the beginning, but it felt good and right to finally overcome this feeling and allow him the freedom to share his love with whomever he felt like.

The other girl couldn't handle the situation though and made him choose between becoming her monogamous boyfriend or losing her. I'm sure, if you never felt deep love for two people at the same time, it's hard to understand what it is like. He chose to join in a monogamous relationship with her, labelling our relationship as "close friends", which means we will continue to spend our lives together, spend lots of time together, plan to live close to one another, talk a lot, be emotionally close, cuddle, kiss. We just won't have sex. (Where does "sex" start, by the way?! ) Once again I had to face jealousy from being put into second place, though he kept telling me that he still feels equally strong for me and for her. But I understand him, as I made similar decisions before in my life and felt it was good and right at that time to just go on struggling He told me that it was "just sex" that we had to give up. But if it was "just sex", why would we have to give it up? Obviously it is a little bit more than "just sex", at least for his girlfriend.

So we are friends now, and so far it works "perfectly" as he has cheated on her with me a couple of times already He keeps thinking it's a personal weakness and he just has to become stronger to resist me. You can tell that I really see myself in him, so I understand him perfectly and just hope for him (not for me, I'm fine with if we really wouldn't have sex any longer, as for me it really is "just sex" now) that one day he will get the same insights like I had last year. And hopefully his girlfriend will be able to grow with him. I'm pretty sure that the final word hasn't been spoken yet. We'll see.

He thinks I will change my mind about polyamorous relationships again as soon as I find a new boyfriend. But I'm pretty sure I will rather stay single for the rest of my life than ending up in a monogamous relationship again that is built on lies and dishonesty. I'm not sure if I will ever find people who I can have polyamorous relationships with, I find it hard to imagine that this will happen in the near future. Seems now that with becoming aware of being polyamorous, the number of people I could build up a close, long-lasting relationship with has reduced drastically. There seem to be so little of you guys out there But of course, you never know

That's my story until today. Let's see how it continues

Greetings from Germany,

Last edited by Purpurea; 02-09-2011 at 12:55 PM.
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