Originally Posted by SNeacail
I agree, in this case, the leader was completely at fault for not making sure his boys were prepared both with proper gear and physically. The 20 mile goal was unrealistic and unreasonable for many of the boys, it was their first hike.
This is just where my head goes when I hear of people plowing ahead and leaving others to catch up later, it scares me. This says to me that MAYBE the goal is not reasonable at that point in time. Not saying that the one diggin in their heals refusing to move forward isn't just been a 3 year old thowing a temper tantrum on the floor.
So ultimately... some poly partners misgauge the ability of their mono partner to adapt. Some fail to listen, some fail to understand. Some are just too selfish. (i.e. "you're holding me back, because I want what I want...") There are other reasons too...
We've focused on the slower people... maybe a bit of examination of the leader is needed.
The leader failed to listen, failed to accurately assess the situation, and failed to re-evaluate goals... when it was obvious that the goals were too high. Why is the push so important? How long has this been discussed? Are they willing to abandon their former partner.. if that partner can't keep up?
How much is that partner worth?
I think some polys have emotionally worked through poly before they mention it to their partner... then the partner is expected to just accept it (and sometimes they do, initially). However, time takes time...