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Old 02-08-2011, 11:50 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,703

Stepping back can sometimes be the only way to re-group ourselves in order to deal with the situation at hand. However, it all comes down to how far is too far or how far is far enough? When we offer up compromises we have to remember not to shut ourselves off to counter offers.

Sometimes I offer up a compromise and it gets accepted as "this is what I need/want", end of story, but now I'm misserable. What I really NEEDED, was more options, because my solution was too drastic. At the time, my head could not comprehend any other solution and the second party (my husband) was feeling too guilty to argue and accepted what I said I wanted.

I understand stepping back from activites they share as families, with the goal and understanding that this is only temporary. Some re-building might have to be done and new goals set. This doesn't necessarily mean that the entire dynamic of the relationship or how you interact within the immediate family needs to drastically change.

I think this is where I am, I'm in the process of rebuilding my relationship with my husband. While some may say that he really didn't have an affair, and other would say he did, the truth is trust was violated, boundries crossed and my families saftey was compromised. We both had decissions to make, we both had to decided how or if to move forward. In this process, I have learned a lot, but while this knocked us back for a while we are moving forward.

At first, I backed away from everything and everyone, it was very necessary, for a short while. Now I am carefully looking at what really needs to be added back and what was I doing simply out of obligation? I had to ask myself did I enjoy it or the people involved or was it causing more stress than it was worth? How was this stress effecting my relationship with my husband and children?
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