Originally Posted by dingedheart
I've been in this a short time and married for 15yrs. My main concern is for my kids at the moment 10 and 13yr old. I am free to develop an outside relationship if I want to however I can't imagine that making me have more love and or affection for my wife I think the opposite would be true. You see in my case the time, dates, and even sex feels as it is being done out of fairness or obligation. Not an uncommon complaint or consequence of the poly lifestyle. I really don't want to go on a pity date, or have pity sex. At least right now... ask me in again in a couple of months that may change.
I'd have to say, the dates and sex out of obligation has probably more to do with being married 15 yrs than because of poly. I've been married 20 yrs and there was a LONG spell where everything we did together as a couple was forced and out of obligation, because we should, not because we really wanted to spend time with each other. Does she see it as "keeping things even" or is that just how you are feeling as you struggle with things?
How does she feel about doing thing on the spur of the moment? My husband is like this and I hate it most of the time. I am a planner and last minute changes really throw me for a loop. Right now, he is so overly involved in outside activities that he has to schedule everything, which is working for me
Sorry for the highjack
@ Honestheart: There was a time when I vowed that if I ended my marriage, I would never get married again. Not to say I wouldn't date, but I would never marry again, but now, I have no opinion either way. I think alot depends on the situation and what you think you can handle and accept. Accepting poly as a change to an existing mono relationship is different that going into a new relationship knowing it will be poly from the start. Going back can be tricky, it can be easy to slip back into old habits and get complacent.