Originally Posted by Bricklie
This is all just new to me and I can't put my finger on the line between permitted cheating and more than one true love. People fool themselves about their motivations sometimes. If he's just using polyamory to keep things spicy while she holds down the fort at home... well then he's the kind of man who won't hold my heart in good trust. See my emotional logic? Which is all silly because of the two of us, I'm the one more likely to betray or abandon. Working on that too.
The solution should be to talk things out with her, but I know her interest in that is low.
It's totally understandable that you see yourself in a vulnerable position. Their relationship is solid. Now that they've created a solid bond, he has found you. Just like they had to adjust to each other and hash a lot out to become stronger, now they both have to adjust to you. But considering all of the challenges of two
people in a relationship, adding a third
must greatly intensify the complexity, though I wouldn't know from experience. With effort and patient on all sides, perhaps there will come a time when you can talk to her?
Anyway it's not some dramatic insight, I know. But I am so new to this as well and already I am seeing a lot of similar themes coming up. I read Sage's newest blog post today... "Are You the Meat and Potatoes or the Dessert" and it comes to mind. It relates to your situation, but from the opposite side of things. http://www.polyamorouspeople.com/