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Old 02-08-2011, 04:38 AM
EpsilonLyr EpsilonLyr is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Pacific Northwest, U.S.A.
Posts: 27
Default Status Update (P.S. I'm a moron)

First, thanks to all. Onivel, I can really see the similarities between our situations. All the way down to the fact that your *J* was the catalyst for change, and yet she didn't pan out as an intimate relationship. Well mine probably won't either. I certainly would welcome my wife exploring this if she felt compelled to explore poly too. It's only fair to give her the freedom I would seek, and yet I am sure she wouldn't. So we are in the same boat and I take your suggestions to heart.

Well, it was a long three day weekend for me and my wife, very therapeutic. I couldn't get on here and share my thoughts and questions at the time, for obvious reasons. But it was a strange and amazing thing. Just absorbing these poly concepts and encouragement has lifted a lot of guilt off of my shoulders. I was able to just relax and enjoy being with her. Why? Because it was o.k. to have feelings for more than one person without utter self loathing. Not that I suddenly thought either of us could function in a complicated mono-poly poly-poly whatever relationship, magically, tomorrow. But at least I am encouraged to be honest without guilt. It's not evil. It's not 'mental cheating' as people have started calling it... how insane! They presume to restrict our very thoughts now???

So what's next? I am exhilarated, but nervous to say anything, to say the wrong thing, to hurt her... all of it! But there's another problem. A big reason why I should be hesitant to tell: because we all work together. I'm an idiot and I failed to point that out when I started this thread, but it changes things a bit, does it not? It wasn't intentional, I was trimming down my first post (can you believe it was longer??) and I took it out. But there it is. So even if I try to tell my wife about my situation, I risk all manner of wrath, awkwardness, and confusion being misdirected at this poor woman who doesn't deserve it when really it should be reserved for me. The three of us are working in the same place for at least another six months. I hate to drag her into this. But............. it ultimately doesn't change what I have to do. It just affects how I do it. I'll keep doing my homework here and elsewhere (Sage's blog) in the meantime.
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