Originally Posted by dingedheart
I guess I was reading lots of stories and a common theme seemed to appear. People had certain rules/boundaries that helped them with the idea of partner being intimate or in the most extreme case actually having sex with another person. I was not trying debate the sacred nature of intimate relationships, it was more of a thought born from all the reading of what people are doing to be comfortable with all of this. It seemed a little strange to keep reading how person X is ok with their partner having numerous relationships which may or may not include sex as long its not in ear shod, or on a given piece of furniture.
Sex in a relationship does have a sacred status, like or not. No one has accused a partner of cheating by going to a restaurant and eating lunch. Here I'm talking about the act of eating lunch. Have sex with that same person instead of lunch and it may end up being a problem. Does your partner have a partner? If so, what are some of your rules/boundaries. Your intimate relationship don't impinge on each other because???? I think the reason for the rules/ boundaries is for the inpingement factor. Lots of folks talk about not being to affectionate in front of partners... well that might be considered an inpingement to your free and full expression of love. Said expression may make one or both partners extremely uncomfortable, so as to not have melt downs or hard feels or the like. The premise of this whole topic was /is perhaps flawed.
You said you see the issue but don't understand... what do you see as the issue? Or more importantly what is the issue as he knows it.
I'm not flamecat,
but I do know what you are talking about.
I happen to find it VERY aggravating to have the expectation that I limit affection in front of Maca. I do it-because I ALSO love him, but it does bother me. GG does not ask me to limit my affection for Maca in front of GG.
Unfortunately this sometimes leads to ego b.s. with Maca, which just makes it even messier for me.
Personally-Maca and I have agreed to no other partners in our bed. Maca has had other partners in our bed, and I'm ok with that. But-after the last trial with him trying to find a new partner we agreed that it was better to keep that space "conflict free" so to speak.
It's a non-issue with GG. He is mono. So he doesn't bring other people to his bed and I wouldn't either.
As for "in the car"-who cares? (not your car, ours).
Mostly-I'm not possessive that way. I love the guys. There is no need for me to limit them in regards to how they show affection to others or where.
The primary limit I have is not pushing myself or the children into building relationships with their others faster than they've earned OUR relationship. Just because they spend time getting to know one of the guys does NOT mean that they deserve our close friendship. They have to spend time getting to know each of us individually for that to happen.