Good thinking, IThink
It seems the J-C model is so much about possession and OBLIGATION. I don't know how you get around that in a marriage, but we have found it to be a huge hurdle. I think that's one thing that drew me so strongly to my bf, because everything I do for him is freely given, with no strings attached (still want to go see that movie, btw, although I know it has a predictable ending). The one thing we are all striving for in our V is RESPECT. And yes -- communication is so key in that!
I've heard a saying, "An expection is just a premeditated resentment."
There's where I get all tangled up sometimes. Marriage has so many expectations, many of which are clearly defined duties/RIGHTS.... But a relationship outside of that monagamous structure has so much more wiggle room. Well, I for one, am highly enjoying all the wiggling!!! My husband and boyfriend are too, I think