I have a few questions- you said you're both 23- how long have you been married? Been together? (you said you'd been talking about it for years..)
In any case, you seem to be trying very hard to make her happy but as XYZ said, she has to both love herself and get to a place of acceptance along with a desire to improve your communication and avoid needlessly painful situations.
When I was 23 I totally had my head up my ass- so good for you for pursuing the finer points of love! Good luck, and give it time.
"Rocks will open and make a way for the lover."
~Hazrat Inayat Khan
I love Catfish and Charlie.