It sounds as if your wife is the one who has not gotten over the cheating, not you. She seems to still be feeling guilt and projecting it on you. If SHE still doesn't like herself and hasn't forgiven herself how could YOU possibly have? To a point, I understand her perspective. I cheated on my husband a couple of years ago. It was only some kissing, but it was before poly came into the picture and it was dishonesty. I still feel guilty and break down about it at times, though he has forgiven me. But I did learn not to project my feelings onto him over time and with counseling. It is really the only thing I can offer here. Time and perhaps counseling.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.