Thanks so much for working past your initial response to hear what I was saying. Mainly, I know how much it would wound me if my poly husband saw my struggles with his polyness as a lack of love on my part.
I wish my love for him could transform me into a poly person (or even a mono with no struggles around this), but so far it hasn't. I don't know if it ever will. But then his love for me didn't keep him mono. So, that makes me think the mono/poly thing isn't about a lack of love at all. It is more about what love relationship structure we thrive in best, and compatibility, and mostly staying true to ourselves.
I can relate to drama mode
No worries. A forum like this can be a good place to vent drama mode without hurting our loved ones.
It sounds like you have been extremely supportive of your husband throughout your marriage. I didn't mean to imply you hadn't. The only issue I sought to address was him telling you he would not be able to handle you being poly, and that is exactly where you find yourself now. That is not an issue of blame, as much as an issue of circumstance.
As for the swinging and question of if he is mono, only the two of you can really sort that out.
I am glad to hear you are in therapy and being honest-
best of luck in love and happiness.