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Old 02-05-2011, 02:24 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 287

Well, first, welcome. Second, I must apologize now for my lack of formatting. I am watching WWE (my regular Friday night activity) and have to resort to using the laptop which does not have a functioning enter key. Third, I would say let's spend less time analzying the mindsets of others or what seems to be how these things go and try to work through what fits You. Many of the points you have mentioned are, indeed, things that exist but no 'one' thing is the norm or the 'way' of poly or the 'way' of non-monogamy or the 'way' of mono or the way of 'swinging' or the general mindset or whatever. As LR stated, and I agree, we are Individuals (which seems to slip the minds of many people who enter into various styles of long-term relationships but I digress). Additionally, I completely agree with you regarding the 'I just can't help it' mentality but I don't think that is prevalent in this community or, even, the monogamous community. I belive that most of us do Understand that not only do we always have a choice but, also, we make a choice daily in our relationships and our treatment of others and vice versa. Some diehards on either side do argue that if you are one way, then you can't just 'turn it off' and not be that way, thereby, supporting the 'can't help it' or 'this is the way I am' mindset. Once again, we return to choices. For example, if you feel that you are poly in your heart (meaning you can naturally love more than one person on a companionship level) that does not mean that you Have to pursue a poly lifestyle and I don't believe that a person would be suffering or discontent in life because they've taken that path. It IS a choice. Of course, yes, many of us come from fairly 'traditional' (and I use that term loosely) upbringings causing us to work through some of the conditioned thinking (equates to what we have been taught through society, family, and experiences) we have embraced/endured/accepted most of our youth, at least. Still, some are a-ok with accepting and continuing to embrace those mindsets, others have watered down that thinking and continue towards Self thinking (or pondering and perceiving things according to your own research or intuitive rhythms versus continuing to embrace the common mindset or what you've always been taught), and still others teeter between the conditioned and the free-thinking. I say, it's all a process ... a customized process. I hope, through your journey, you successfully build a customized experience you and your partner can both enjoy and learn from. Just a sidenote ... I'm sure you will share more as time goes on but, from what I can tell from your current postings, it seems like the focus is more about sexual interaction than actual relationships which is fine but I think that is an important position to reflect on, deeply, to help determine what it is you are Really looking for. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to keeping up with your journey.
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