Originally Posted by midwestmama
Thanks for the thoughtful replies.
I said I feel sad because he doesn't love all of me. I know there are parts that you love people in spite of, but this feels more like a part he really hates and resents. He said he loves all of me, even this part. I said I'm confused because you'd leave me over a part of me you love. His response... I'm sorry its confusing to you.
I think it is really unfair to say that his struggle with this indicates he doesn't love all of you.
Do you love all of him, even his mono-part? How are you showing love to that part? Isn't this entire post about how you hate and resent what his mono parts are asking of you? That it is unfair, and hurts you. What about his hurt and sense of betrayal that he was very honest long ago in telling you "I won't ever be able to handle you being poly" and yet that is exactly where you have gone. Was that showing love for his monogamous needs?
Loving someone for all that they are, and being compatible with them relationally are not the same thing.
Your husband loves you, but that doesn't magically transform him into poly anymore than your love for him magically kept you from acting on poly.
I hope you will remove that double-standard out of the process with him.
I know, for me, I would find that lack of insight deeply hurtful.