I'm waiting with baited breath for you to figure it out carma.
I just read on another thread about not following mainstream and to not own one another blah blah blah... I wish it were as easy as just that. I wish it were possible to just throw my hands in the air and do what the hell one wants and have all expectations of being actively loved regardless. Thing is everyone has to be on board with that. I think there need to be an alternate plan. But what?
I guess fear comes into play as does experience and just being plain tired. Eventually in life the pain that is caused by just doing whatever is harder to stand than the dull ache of sucking it up. Time tells whether or not the choice is worth it.