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Old 02-04-2011, 05:46 PM
meyesekrit meyesekrit is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Delaware
Posts: 11
Default right vs happiness....

While I haven't been exploring poly for long, I feel like my understanding of this issue is less about what my "rights" are as an individual and more about lifelong happiness.

Yes, I could take the approach that MY life and MY sexuality are exclusively MY right to decide....but you are absolutely correct that this may not lead to peace and unity in my relationships.

So, while how I live my life is my right......I need to balance that against the needs/rights/desires of my partner(s). And this is where boundaries come in.

If I accept the social norm of monogamy as my boundaries....will I be happy??? Will I be ABLE to squelch myself and live within those boundaries? And....more importantly....WHY SHOULD I????

Poly to me is the acceptance that society DOESN'T have it all figured out. Society ISN'T always correct. There ARE other ways to live and to love.

Therefore, my partner(s) and I get to set NEW boundaries. NO....it's not a free-for-all where each person gets to greedily do anything they want. BUT NO RELATIONSHIP IS! Isn't not about my RIGHT...it's about living a full and enriched life where each of us can reach new depths of self awareness and happiness.

If a particular need of mine is so powerful...and yet isn't acceptable to one of my partners, then that relationship may need to end. Not because I was wrong to need it....but because we can't reach the compromise or understanding necessary. That could be because one of us doesn't want children, or doesn't want to move far from family, or any number of other issues that break up relationships. I feel too many people BLAME poly .... when it's no different than other mutually exclusive issues that break up couples. It's just the added layer of societal conditioning that makes poly seem wrong or to blame.


But....perhaps that's just my views.
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