I think there is a fundamental question as to mindset. North American culture is very entrenched in codification, hierarchy, taxonomy, the "machine metaphor", and contract language. I think attempting to deal with organic issues in a way which reflects (simple, artificial) machine theory quickly leads to problematic models and thinking.
I was just commenting on another thread saying that having a "right" is very different than something actually being a good idea. I have a right to myself, my body, my sexuality. No one may "own" these things, no one may claim an exclusive right to the use of some part of me.
But let's take this out of the sexual realm... greeneyes has no "right" to tell me what I can or can't say behind her back. Still, would I go making up hurtful things to say about her? Of course not! Similarly, while I may have a "right" to go do with whomever, whatever I want, I'm a fool if I act as though my actions (even "well within my rights") have no effect on the world around me (including my partner), and that these effects never come back on me.
As I look at it, even if the issue here is the fear within the more jealous partner, the less jealous partner is not going to help matters with "shock therapy." To the extent that the issue really is jealousy, or fear, or whatever, then talk about *that*, show compassion for *those* things, and leave the sex talk to the side.
I mean come on, you know you're gonna get back to the sex talk at some point :: raised eyebrow ::