It's too late for me to give an in depth response. I'll aim to tomorrow.
But short reply-I don't believe that we "can't help it". ANYONE.
I believe that EVERYONE can help how they choose to behave-if they choose to.
I acknowledge that this isn't COMMON. Most people REACT instead of choosing to ACT.
I also do believe that it is unreasonable for a Poly person to demand anyone to behave specific ways for them, and just as unreasonable for a Mono person to demand another person behave specific ways for them.
We all can control only ourself. We can choose to stay with or leave a person-but when we try to change or control them-we are beating our head against a wall we weren't meant to beat our head against.
Better off allowing people to learn their lessons on their clock and focus our attention on learning the lessons we need to learn.
Easier said than done-don't look at me for a perfect example. I'm "getting the picture" and in seeing it-seeing that I've sucked at it.
I'm striving to improve.