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Old 02-04-2011, 02:25 AM
midwestmama midwestmama is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 14

Ok, I have a new issue/question for you... but I'm leaving it on this thread so you can know the background on our situation. It is nearing two months now since I talked to my boyfriend due to my husband's decision. I have recently told him this was just more than I can handle. We're still going to therapy and working on how I can talk to him again.

So... we have a couple that are friends of ours. The husband is my husband's friend and over time we have become friends with the wife. They are pretty good friends now and my husband has always been attracted to her physically and he has often said how much he enjoys her company. They are both poly. She was going to look for a boyfriend awhile back and my husband joked to me that perhaps he could be her boyfriend. He made that comment again a month or so ago. (after the break up of my boyfriend and I) We were to go out with them last weekend. She and my husband kept talking about how happy they were to get to see each other again and how much they wanted to dance together.

Today the wife and I were talking again. She knows everything about our poly issues. She still likes my husband. Today she was talking about how she had been looking on some dating sites for a boyfriend but couldn't find anything that made her want to even send an email. We were talking about how I had considered setting my husband up with someone so he'd get a feel for the poly from the inside, not the outside. She joked about asking him out. I pointed out that he wouldn't make much of a boyfriend because he was so terrible at communicating. Really, absolutely terrible. He's an engineer if that helps explain things. But, her husband is an engineer too and she's so used to this.

So... I talked to my husband tonight. I asked if he was interested in a physical only or emotionally involved relationship with her. I know he'd be interested in physically only, as he has always been attracted to her. She is looking for a emotionally involved relationship. He said he doesn't know. He's not sure he has enough time to devote to it. He doesn't know how it would be a good relationship idea (for us) for him to be gone even more. These are all valid points of discussion.

However.... am I wrong for being slightly frustrated that I am not even allowed to TALK to my friend when he is willing to consider the idea of himself being involved in a poly relationship??? I keep hoping that if he gets in one than he'll realize it was nothing to fear. However, this is my friend we're talking about. I don't want him to get involved with her and be freaked out and act poorly, possibly hurting her (feelings, not physically)

Should I be helping them or stay out of it (in which case no relationship will develop... she's the only person he texts other than me, and he texts her about every other month) She's a good match for him, I trust her and like her. Her husband is in a poly relationship already so she knows what is involved and what it feels like from the outside.

I'm confused.
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