This has come up in my life. Surrounding myself in alcohol and a fake life has allowed me to create a lot of lies. I could list umpteen ones, about relationships, my life or really anything. I have the excuse of alcohol and the fog it creates, but in the end it was all me. The fog just helped me forget the authentic me.
I lied - to myself. In turn I lied to the people I love most in the world. This has in many ways deeply affected my relationships. I have to hope...that trust can be rebuilt. But I know the ball is in my court. The...challenge is mine to be open and honest with myself, then the ones I love...and the people I may affect.
In many ways I am a coward, afraid of certain aspects of my life...hell even in some ways living monogamously in fear. In my case, I think the turn about is going to come from reverse thinking. If I feel like I shouldn't say it, I need to.
All I can do is hope, do my utmost to reverse the patterns which were selfish and destructive and go from there. I can fix my future...I can't repair the past.
In AA...they ask you to make a moral inventory of your character defects. Its a pretty damn good place to start if you want to see the real you in the mirror.
for the record, I thought I was honest, I thought I was upfront, I believed it to my core...I now know I wasn't. I was excellent at fooling myself.
Last edited by Ariakas; 02-04-2011 at 01:16 AM.