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Old 02-03-2011, 09:28 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
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I understand.
Maca commonly tells me partial things and usually after the fact.

Both times he's pursued another woman, he's taken it to a physical affection level without telling me he was intending to.

The first one, I had said they could before I left state. Then he'd told me that he wasn't going to because her lifestyle made him uncomfortable, so he was backing off. But, he then changed his mind. They'd had several dates, started kissing, shared "I love you's" and planned more romantic dates before he even let on to me that he'd decided he DID want to get to know her better.
Then, he said he wasn't comfortable bringing her home. But did anyway-I found out through a roommate.

It continued like that the whole time I was out of state and by the time I got home-I was a wreck. I kept htinking-"How in God's name can you cheat in an open-relationship?".

The thing about what you are describing though-and the same is true with what I've just described above;
in neither case has the abuse stopped in order for the healing to be done.

IF the abuse stopped, the wound healed, then the distrust would begin to fade.
But, what's to trust if the abuse continues?

If the rape wasn't a ONE TIME THING-I wouldn't be "struggling to trust again". I'd be in an abusive/codependent relationship.

The abuse has to stop for the healing to begin.



It's so easy to say "I lied about THIS-but now I'm not lying about THIS so you should be able to trust me-these are DIFFERENT issues."
But they aren't really.
When you dig to the bottom, the issue is that you lied and you are lying. (general you)

I know this one well-cause I was the liar/cheat.

Only when I opted for a fully honest relationship (with myself and anyone else I'm in relationship with) did I start to understand that I had to hold myself accountable ALWAYS and in ALL WAYS to being fully honest.
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