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Old 02-03-2011, 03:09 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by EpsilonLyr View Post
..... I believe I'm in love with two women.

I think of Emily all day and dream of her at night, wishing that I could just act on the feelings we have share... and in the morning I want to reach out and touch Sofia but I hold back because of the guilt I've been programmed to feel for having "non-monogamous" thoughts. It is damaging an otherwise happy marriage. If only I could openly share my love with both of them, I would be happy. But I am afraid that neither would understand or be willing to entertain the possibility.

What do you think?
Hey Epsilon,

Well, I think you are definitely infatuated and fantasizing like crazy ! <smile>
Happens all the time to a lot of us

It may well be that you DO see/feel the call to being poly. In so many aspects it just makes sense and 'feel' right/normal.

But time out for a reality check.

We do feel this 'connection' to people at times. And when we do it's a message that SOMETHING is there for us. But it's not ALWAYS 'love'. It can be many things (including growth and wisdom) and there can be some potential there. Despite the obvious attraction and bells going off, you probably know very little about the intimate details of this girl. Her life, her views on many things, her history etc. All that has to come out before you can determine whether she is the type of person you'd respect and learn to love.

As to her or your wife not knowing and understanding about polyamory - you're likely correct. And either or both of their reactions is.........probably sketchy. New concepts that break cultural rules usually are.
But that IS something you can do something about ! From what you've explained about your views and feelings I think it's time for that cat to come out of the bag. Does it mean anything will progress with this particular girl ? Hard to say. But if this feels right to you it's going to keep surfacing in your life until you deal with it. Maybe now is the time to start.

You might open the discussion (along with supporting resources such as books, online such as this forum etc) with your mate by explaining much like you did here. Explain the connections in the past and that you had passed up potential opportunities because of your commitment to your marriage and cultural values. But that it always bothered you and you questioned WHY it had to be that way - because it doesn't feel natural to you.
I wouldn't bring up this other girl just yet. That could be intimidating and sabotage the discussion/education process. I'd wait until sufficient information was out there and openly discussed.
If after some reasonable discussion it's apparent that your wife is rigid in her views you will be in a position to make some hard decisions. But explore first before you assume

Good luck. Keep us posted.

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