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Old 02-03-2011, 02:48 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
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Hi Nanda,

Not a bad start at all ! I've seen worse


Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanda View Post
.....how all of this was new for me as it was for her. I told i was jealous about it but that i was trying to be ok with it. So she told me that i was just saying yes for their relashionship because i dont want to loose L.
I think you should acknowledge SOME truth in this (trying to keep your relationship) but if I were you I'd focus on and emphasize more the point that this is all new and you don't know how to do this - YET ! Everyone needs to cut each other some slack in the learning process. Mistakes may be made but as long as you take ownership of them and don't repeat them it can progress.
Does that make sense ?




Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanda View Post
.....So we talked and i tryed to explain all and she asked me things like: "What will be in christmas, vacations and birthdays? What if she wants to spend vacation time in ours country or asking L to go to her country, how if she wants to cuddle with me around and etc."
Those were good and legitimate questions ! Things that can be emotional trigger points that need to be thought about a little in advance. Especially feelings that come up when the 3 of you are together...the cuddling, sex, etc. Picture them in your mind and see what kind of emotions it evokes. Then ask yourself WHY am I having these reactions ? Do they make sense ? How can I create better reactions that are more in line with the truth than unwarranted fears?




Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanda View Post
I really felt like she wanted to be with L and try to be only with her, like a dispute. L doesn't think that is it but i do. R just couldn't handle my honesty and L, for some moments, thought i was being tuff about telling how i was felling and that was what made R give up on L. I'm pretty confuse because the subject i read often here is about how important is to be open and honest.
Good. Important to be open & honest ! But maybe think a little bit about how you choose your words. Try to be kind and empathetic. Everyone is new to this right ? So everyone is a little on guard and sensitive. Get your point across in as kind a way as possible without being confrontational.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanda View Post
Anyway, R said to me that nothing will going to happen after i said to her about how i felt and wanted to deal with it. And that is where i am.
Again, some jealousy is / should be expected by everyone. The fact that you are willing to work past it is a positive sign. The more you acknowledge jealousy and talk about it openly the sooner you can put it in it's proper place. As fears diminish the jealousy will follow. Talk about what you are fearful of and look for evidence that those fears will not come about.


Good luck and let us know any way we can help.

GS
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