Originally Posted by NotPolly
I have been seeing someone for the past six months in a sexual relationship with someone who told me from the beginning that he is not monogamous. I chose to ignore this and proceed with the relationship anyway. We had some great, fun times and he is very loving when he's with me. But every so often reminders of his polyamory would come up and I would then attempt to "break up" with him. (Inevitably and eventually I came back.) This weekend I encountered evidence that he is and has been seeing someone else all along, and he's bringing her on a trip with him next month. I am hurt and consumed with jealousy and have now broken up with him again, hopefully for good. I just can't deal with the lifestyle, though I understand why he is in it... it's just not good for me. It's crushingly painful for me and yet I know it will be hard for me to forget him and move on - though I need to. This is where I'm at right now.
Have you ever been in such an equation before? Probably not.
All I'll say is Poly is hard to come to terms with... It is a reality breaking paradigm.
I have barely begun to see why it exists and is so natural.
It may be NATURAL, but given double digit years of PROGRAMMING.. its NOT EASY to deal with based on our inherent programming & mindset.
All I'd say is, maybe moving on is what you should do. But, what if this is an opportunity to EXPAND your horizons and go through a tough patch of jealousy and insecurity to come out stronger and more secure.
Why do I say this? I have been through similar scenario. Left me very lost... unable to comprehend the conflict within..
Maybe if you were able to get to know the other person and form a TRIANGLE instead of a V, where the other person seems as if they are eating part of your share (jealousy) it might be where they are adding to the connections.
This is probably why I am curious to figure out how to get people to recognize the reality and naturalness of poly and the swing of feelings from poly to mono and back to poly.
Part of the reason I feel is that even in Poly, you can only be connected with one person at a time.. Truely connected.
You could be in bed with 2 women switching back n forth but you'd still connect only one at a time.
Which is why I am guessing a V can be a bit unnerving while a Triangle can become a circle of trust and increased love.
Either ways, good luck. Maybe if you had another add on lover you might not have been burnt.. in fact you might be lost in the ... omg which guy do I like / love really.. I cant see both of them.. or maybe in Poly u can