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Old 02-03-2011, 02:43 AM
booklady78 booklady78 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 149
Default sexless marriage

I was tempted to create a dummy account and post this question, but I just can't bring myself to do it. As incredibly awkward as I feel about this, I really need to hear some support and hopefully hear from people who are in a similar situation. (Private messages are totally fine, if that's more comfortable for anyone)

My husband and I don't have sex anymore. There have been attempts over the past few months that have left both of us upset and frustrated. I know that he wouldn't feel comfortable with me posting the more intimate details, but we'll just leave it at "sex is not happening".

Each of us has other partners that are very sexually fulfilling. We don't have children, nor do we intend to. We both agree that we love each other and are happy with the life we've built together in every other respect.

I'm full of so much doubt and uncertainty because I'm struggling to understand what we're "supposed" to do here. I know that sex doesn't define a marriage, but it does play a rather big part of it - particularly the initimacy of a relationship. We still talk openly about things, we are still each others best friend, we believe and trust in one another. We have grown rather comfortable with each other and I know that we can do more to appreciate each other, not take our relationship for granted. Part of me feels ok with continuing our relationship as is and removing this expectation of sex being a measure of the health of our relationship. My husband, on the other hand is really, really struggling with this, feeling very upset and frustrated. And let's not forget my boyfriend who seems a bit unnerved by all of this as well, like I will be looking to him to "fill the void" so to speak. It's not like he hasn't been already, but to really admit to him that the sex has all but dried up between hubby and I... My bf has always been so supportive of my marriage, it would concern him if things weren't going well for any reason.

I did read through some forum postings on the "importance of sex", I was getting overwhelmed with the volume of responses and different tangents.

I guess I'm looking for any and all responses here, whether they are "that's messed up" or "I'm in a similar dynamic and happy/miserable/etc". I just need to hear something please.
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