Originally Posted by redpepper
sure dingedheart. I didn't ask for anything and we sure didn't work on anything in particular, it just happened. One day I had a change of heart. I had invested a lot of time and energy into the people I love and could not hold on to their title anymore. Remember I have been poly for 15 years. A lot of time has passed and I have experienced a lot with my loves. Mono came into my life two years ago... it took time and adjustment, we just let that happen in its own time. He doesn't agree that he is not anything but a secondary, but whatever, he doesn't agree with a lot that I say and do. Derby is the recent addition to my life and we said right from the beginning that we would just see where it went. She is not part of my life as much time wise, but she holds a place of huge importance to me now and I am invested in her well being as well as the well being of her family. History and involvement in peoples lives creates investment and connection. That is what I go by. This man that your wife is with... in time perhaps you will feel the same if you decide to make an attempt to create history with him and her that is... your investment of 20yrs is valid and worth respecting, but I would suggest that at some point you start looking towards the future.
Thanks RP, I am looking towards the future which is why I was trying to redefine how my new role could work. As you said if I move into a more secondary role things could become more distant or something like that, I believe you were suggesting further change. Imo that process has began and now I have a say in were it goes or rather the depth. There could be a nice freedom with this new role. You said Mono see's his role as secondary and it may have more benefits for him than the " primary", if only in his head which I guess is the case by your description. As for creating history 7 months seems like a grain of sand to me, I know my wife's history and patterns.
P.S. Looked up ogle I think you were use the old definition. Ogle : a loving appreciation for the clad or unclad female form, my preference un. The old definition had to do with creepy naked nipple leering. It's all an out growth of the sex positive movement,.... which is nice. < kidding> This is my definition although I am going to look it up....thanks D