What do i do now?
Hi, i'm from Brazil, i'm 35 years old, lesbian and as a lot of people here i'm in the middle of my first time polyamory situation. I need to write it for you here because i don't have anyone to talk about it and i'm going crazy. I'm sorry about my english cause is not my native language. But i'm glad i can understand it and find this so helpfull forum!
I left my town to live with my partner (23 years old) about 6 months ago.
Well, since we met online (about 1 and a half year ago) and begin dating in LDR (yes, i'm reading this forum over 20 hours and now i can understand some of glossary words...lol) i always said to her that i never believed monogamic relationships and she said the same for me. A couple of times i said to her: "You know, ppl come and go into our lives everytime and sometimes we fell something for them and that is normal. But in monogamic relationships we can cheat or supress fellings and desires and i don't think that's the way we can handle it."
But in fact we never really get deeper in that subject. We were living a monogamic live with an idea that we could fall in love with another people someday and we could figure it out how to manage it.
About 3 weeks ago we met a girl online and we started a flirt, the 3 of us. And sunddely she became far from me and near my partner. And that was when the drama begin. My partner, i will call "L", was completly in love with her and spent hours with her online, many many hours, and i was jealous about it cause she focused all her energy for her new love, that i will call "R". I guess this is NRE right? Sometimes she spent more the 15 hours online and awake talking and laughing with R and i was here sitting next to her, completely apart from all of it. I didn't fell confortable at all. R is from other country and i thought: "how is it going to work? i was like 1000 km away from her but we moved together, but someone we never saw and from another country... i don't know. How is it going to be? Hours a day dating her online while i'm here watching in silence?". Well, the rest you can imagine, cries, struggles, insecurity, jeaulous all over the place (that was me, of course).
After i asked L a zillion times what's was going on between them and finally L told me that R was jealous about me, that R was in love with her and she couldnt handle our "marriage" (we dont have legal gay marriage in here but we live together). I just freaked out! I was felling lonely, aparted from them.
I fell like L doesn't want to let her go. She was sad when R logout and didn't come back. That was yesterday and L hopes she come back to her. Then i cried like a baby and tryed to set up some rules, wich we couldn't do it at all until now. I really wanted to get close to R again but she wants to live that relationship with my partner and completly apart from me and our marriage and i'm not fine with that (I exist!). And L wants to stay with her even if R wants a way that i don't agree. I'm trying to handle it but we just can't because we argue all the time. So, that's where i am right now. I don't want the 3 of us living that way and L wants it. I want to please her but i don't know how, since i'm not ok with that relationship beeing that way.
I know that we have to go trough it, but i fell like is too late to set rules and foudantions because it already happened and none of us wants to give up our ideas about R in our lives.