Originally Posted by dingedheart
RP thanks... I guess in theory hierarchy doesn't have to exist but again, I put almost 20yrs in and to think some fling of 6-7 months is equal is hard to get my head around. When you speak of your ex-wife and your love I think that's how a lot people feel about ex-spouses or ex-partners however it would be hard not to give someone in a current relationship somewhat different status. You stated how you see your relationships and their status for lack of a better word, or their equalness. How would they describe the same situation?? Is this area in which each person may have his or her own take on it?? You mentioned ex-wife, pn, mono how do you describe the others? How did you become un-primary? Did you ask for such a change or was is the nature of a relationship in decline or one of you finding someone new? Thanks D
sure dingedheart. I didn't ask for anything and we sure didn't work on anything in particular, it just happened. One day I had a change of heart. I had invested a lot of time and energy into the people I love and could not hold on to their title anymore. Remember I have been poly for 15 years. A lot of time has passed and I have experienced a lot with my loves. Mono came into my life two years ago... it took time and adjustment, we just let that happen in its own time. He doesn't agree that he is not anything but a secondary, but whatever, he doesn't agree with a lot that I say and do. Derby is the recent addition to my life and we said right from the beginning that we would just see where it went. She is not part of my life as much time wise, but she holds a place of huge importance to me now and I am invested in her well being as well as the well being of her family. History and involvement in peoples lives creates investment and connection. That is what I go by. This man that your wife is with... in time perhaps you will feel the same if you decide to make an attempt to create history with him and her that is... your investment of 20yrs is valid and worth respecting, but I would suggest that at some point you start looking towards the future.