Originally Posted by SNeacail
To say nothing is going to change, when your are changing the entire dynamic of your relationship is naive at best, to believe it was also naive and unrealistic.
What I meant by nothing was going to change was/is the early discussions on this topic were such that "my love for you won't diminish but grow. More love, and happiness for all. Things of that nature. Words we have all read on here and other sites many , many times. In theory that's great and in a lot of cases workable. The rub comes in practice. We have all read post now in which a partner feels like the time or dates and yes even sex he or she is given is out of fairness and or obligation. I've don't think I have read any responses to partners detailing why it was happening or what they plan to do about it.
When I said in one of my early posts I came to this poly situation reluctantly its the same way I viewed cocaine in the 1980's, Don't even try it once because I'll most likely get hooked. I was an adrenaline junkie at that time , and we used and or abused alcohol, thankfully I put most of that behind me. Way to many morning waking up feeling like death, I wish I could get that time back as well.
The concept of poly was not to much different< in my head > as what I did in college... and for about yr or so after. I date several women at once, some on the same day, very similar to stories here. However I never had more than three. And more likely it was two with the third being a transition back to 2. My mind set was fun... Never marriage or anything like that. The problem was the women wanting more of a commitment, generally that's when things got sticky, time to move on so to speak. Knowing myself the way I think I do when it comes to matters of the heart, I personally don't think I could make assurances or statements like the ones my wife has. Sure I could say I'll always love you but I think we all know that could have 3 dozen meanings. When I felt the disconnect happening she would say but I love you. To my reply... like what brother, room mate, cousin ,etc,... never really got a great response back. Or one I remember. Hope that helps explain a little. D