Thread: new guy here
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Old 02-01-2011, 03:56 AM
sohuman sohuman is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 25

So my question is about the older kids, was you guys' girlfriend poly all along? How did she manage things so that no one got into trouble (I am thinking in the most paranoid vein of having our child taken from us for a lifestyle choice that was shared through gossip)

I don't believe in radical honesty for the same reasons cited in Opening Up (that you have to be sure the person hearing the truth is ready to hear and process it)... but I think that there is waaaay too much lying in society - the film Liar Liar is based on that. We are also both atheists and have so far refused to lie to our kid (age 2) about Santa. The gifts are from us. Why should she have the two people she should most trust in her life blatantly lie to her? Doesn't feeling like you need to lie to make a holiday more fun insinuate that time together as a family with gifts from each other is inherently not fulfilling enough?

I am friends with this other mom (that's another story, I think she is obsessed with me and I am not sure I want to be her friend anymore) who is constantly telling her son (same age) not to kiss boys on the mouth, not to run like a fairy, and she filled the house with plastic crap her kid never touches, all from Santa. Meanwhile, she went ahead and told him about his grandmother dying in another country. I just think he wasn't ready to process that. He acts like a terror, does not listen even worse than the average toddler, and has been biting and hitting a lot (enough to prompt several conferences), and may get kicked out of the daycare, but she will never have her parenting criticized, because everything she is doing fits the mainstream. Both she and I spank. She says she would never ever leave her kids to be babysat overnight at a trusted neighbor or friend's house (we are considering doing this for the upcoming conference). I know, rambling, but thus far my husband and I have decided no to lying to our kid about Santa, yes to spanking only occasionally, no to trying to insinuate that anything would be wrong with her if she were homosexual, no to enforcing the message that women are only good to the extent that they are pretty, possibly yes to having her babysat for a weekend so we can go to Atlanta or just get away as a couple together (if my husband turns out to be not ready for the conference), and yes to teaching her in the grand scheme that you can love more than one person. However, we are at a complete loss as to how to handle the fact that we are henceforth embracing a lifestyle that the religious right would assume was deviant and therefore unethical, making us potentially unfit parents (the gay analogy is again very apt). Any words of advice or wisdom are appreciated.

Last edited by sohuman; 02-01-2011 at 04:09 AM.
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