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Old 01-31-2011, 11:56 PM
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sage sage is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
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Default Letting go of Labels and Identities.

When I started on this forum I was in heaven. I had found a label for myself "mono". That meant something to you guys and was far more acceptable to me than "victim" which was what I was being labelled as in my own world. I also put on another label which gave me comfort "primary". It was neat, I had other people who wore the same label I could talk to and understand where I was at. Then I began to carve out something of an identity for myself; first as a fast learner and then as a supporter of new monos and people in polymono relationships.

But I think labels and identities are only valuable if we use them as temporary structures that make it safe for us to come to terms with our lives so that we can move on to what is really authentically us.

I gave up the need to be "primary" ages ago but now I'm taking off my mono hat and replacing it with one that says "polyfriendly". The polyfriendly hat is useful in transition because at poly functions I keep getting "So you're the mono?" and if I say "No, not anymore," they might think it's open season. Just because I don't want to identify as Mono anymore doesn't mean I want to fill up my life with unimportant relationships.

So I guess in a way this is another "coming out". It's a bit scary given that I have a blog dedicated to monos in poly relationships. In a way it's a loss of identity, but who wants to be identified one way all their life, especially when its limiting or no longer serving you the way it did.
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