Originally Posted by redpepper
How do you go about being the best primary?
What are your goals for yourself?
What do you do to forgive yourself and allow yourself to just be who you are, flawed and raw and human?
How do you balance who you are with what is expected and what you have promised?
How do you go about forgiving others for the very same humanness?
1) I'm very bad at this so I'm not going to say what I do but rather what I would do if I wasn't so wrapped up in myself. I would be honest about what my needs are to myself. Sometimes there's no way to let go of the guilt without stepping back from the situation and those involved and giving yourself the time and space to do something unrelated to take your mind off of what you're not able to forgive yourself for. People are allowed to say that they need space when they are upset with each other but a lot of the time we are reluctant to give ourselves that mental space that we need when we are upset with ourselves.
2) I don't have goals
Honestly I think I have a goal to treat myself the way I would like others to treat me (yet again I am very bad at putting this into practice...I can beat myself up for months about things that are pretty minor and I would totally let go of if it was a friend).
3) Honestly I try to see what I'm beating myself up about through the eyes of the person who I have wronged. If they have forgiven me and moved forward then it is time for me to do the same. (Or if the friendship/relationship has dissolved and there is no need to hang on to the reasons why).
4) I try not to make promises that don't jive with who I am. I don't think I've ever been in a situation where I've had to.
5) The hardest things to forgive in others are the things that we like least about ourselves. I think maybe self forgiveness makes it easier to forgive others.