I am so leery of triads where each partner is supposed to be equally into both others emotionally and sexually. It seems as rare as can be.
I had a similar experience when my ex and I first opened our marriage. The gf said she'd be interested in being with both of us sexually, but it turned out she really wasn't. She just wanted him.
That's why they call them unicorns, these desired single bisexual women who are eager and able to enter into a relationship with an established couple, satisfy them both sexually, and not leave either of them feeling left out, ever.
It's a very hard thing to do, and I've not seen many successful examples of it on this board in the year I have been here. I've seen plenty of hurts and lies and breakups and wishful thinking and re-tries and vague text messages and sneaking around.
BTW, I didnt mind your long stream of consciousness OP. It's good to vent and get it all out. Sometimes when you do that, you can reread it several times and come up with your own conclusions about what happened in the past, and decisions about how to proceed in the future, get your needs met, and heal.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
A standing prick hath no conscience. --Bill Shakespeare
me: Mags, female, pansexual, 60, poly-dating, and loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, poly, 38