You are right, nycindie, I do have a strong tendency to want things to feel smooth. I have sort of given in in the past, not spoken up for myself. I'm trying to stand strong now. Tonight for example, since gf was feeling upset, I said it would be ok for us all to spend time with each other, and it was, but I also insisted that my fiance and I be able to work on our wedding tomorrow and that we have an additional night to just relax.
A sticking point with the three of us is that despite her starting to to date us when we were an established couple, already engaged, she kind of wanted to feel primary from the get go, when that wasn't really possible. She want us each to spend as much time with her as we did with each other.
The fact that we're getting married still bothers her and freaks her out. Because of that there is this weird dance trying to work on the wedding ( which is 4 months away) and also spend 5 days a week with her and also not actually speak about the wedding preparations at all in front of her, much less do them in her presence. Um, stressful. My fiance has been all too likely to put off wedding prep day after day and week after week in order to hang out with GF and not alarm her by doing stuff for the wedding in front of her. Something has to give here because the wedding is coming up fast and we need to spend more time apart from her if wedding stuff bugs her, but she's going to wonder what we're doing and neither of us ar much up for lying.