Continuing on from our introduction....
We had our first meeting last night with our friend. We'll call him J. I was a bit nervous, I didn't know how he was going to feel and I didn't want to scare him off. We all sat down, hubby on one side, J on the other. They held hands in my lap, which made me all warm and fuzzy inside. They are both straight (for now? heehee), but have a very close and comfortable relationship which is what I think helps this situation be ideal.
We essentially invited him to be part of our family. We wanted it to be me and hubby, me and J, J and hubby (their friendship), and all of us together. We want him to come over whenever, whether hubby is home or not, whether I am here or not. We discussed our boundaries, actually showed him the list hubby and I had made together, including a no intercourse rule for now. I do hope that will change in the future, but for now I am content with that.
He expressed his concerns, and where his open marriage failed. He's worried about stepping on hubby's toes. He also said his deal was that he was still looking for somebody, and that if he happens to find her, then our situation needs to come to an end. We all agreed that anybody can stop it at any time. I did express my concerns about not wanting to just be a piece of ass, that I wanted respect like they had respect for each other, and hubby has respect for me. He said he understands that and that there is more there than that, he feels a connection as well.
So after we had all of our boundaries gone over, and had a group hug, we all had a drink and piled into our bed.
It was an amazing night for me, I wont go into all of the details, things were a little awkward at moments, but in the end all worked out. I was exhausted as I felt it important to make sure that both men were well taken care of. I enjoyed the attention, but I didn't feel that it was about me. I felt completely happy making each one of them feel good.
This morning we discussed our feelings. Hubby said he didn't feel jealous or uncomfortable, which I thought was awesome. J said he did say he was a bit tentative as he still didn't want to step on hubby's toes. I was just on cloud 9 about the situation (NRE???), but I'm also apprehensive about those feelings. I know that this situation is always going to be on the edge of coming to an end, and I'm afraid to get comfortable, or attached. Unfortunately for me, I am one of those people that get attached easily and I did tell both hubby and J. J says that concerns him a bit. It's not so much the attachment I'm worried about, I just know that if I do, it's going to hurt like hell when this comes to an end, and I need to be prepared for that. So I feel torn as far as wanting to happy and excited, and not wanting to get used to this.
J stayed all day until 5. Hubby and I traded off playing with the kids in the bedroom and napping in the morning, while J slept on the couch. I think next time I'll clear out and set up an actual room for him so he can get some sleep. After everyone was awake I made the guys brunch and we all just lounged and played with the kids, and they dorked out to some video games. Even J was playing with the kids and I felt so lucky to have them both there.
I'm not sure where we will go from here. Hubby and I are still discussing a lot about the experience. So far it has been positive, though hubby still has some mixed emotions, but he doesn't really understand them, so he's doing what he can to sort through them. I still want to get more info out of J. I know he's so concerned about stepping on hubby's toes, and I want to get past that once we have established that everyone is still comfortable with how things are going. I'd like to not have that apprehension or wondering.
We've invited him back over next weekend. Friday this time, since he doesn't work Friday nights. He can come over while hubby is at work, so we can hang out for a while, then spend time the 3 of us. I'm still not sure if he will come or not..another thing that I am apprehensive about. I feel like I am in NRE, but he is not, I'm not sure what the result of that will be. He does say he feels a connection with me, and we had some wonderful moments and conversation last night, but when we are together and separately, it's a totally different feeling and I don't really know what that means.