Well... An update to the update is in order!
Dinner was great. The three of us had a wonderful time, laughing, joking, catching up. My lovely wife L was really impressed with how S has gotten his stuff together and is taking responsibility for his actions and his past. We had the same connection we've always had. It was both wonderful and terrible, because I had no idea what was going to happen -- if L would be uncomfortable, if S would behave himself, etc.
I couldn't have asked for a better night. L said at the end of the evening that if "whatever happened happened" later on down the road, she'd be alright with that, and she felt very very comfortable with him and his position.
So he and i have spoken every day since then, L knows that we're speaking and is fine as long as I keep everything on the up and up, which i intend to do. S and I will take our time this time and not jump right back into bed and into that intense emotional connection that we lost ourselves in before. We're both very aware that my marriage comes first, and that we need to re-establish our friendship, and that's going to take some time. We're going to hang out as a trio until further notice, just to make sure that everyone is comfortable with the situation, and to get a feel for each other again.
I know that my feelings for him have not changed, and his feelings for me have not changed, so it's going to be an interesting ride. BUT, i love my wife, and i have my primary marriage relationship to take care of, and that's the most important thing.
So, i guess we're at a wait and see point. S and L and I are going to see a movie this week i think, and then we'll see from there. He's going to at least 2 meetings a week (that i know of), and working full time; and i'm in my last semester of college, so it will actually be good for all three of us that we can't see each other all the time. We HAVE to wait and see what happens and how schedules work out.
I'm quite optimistic. I think this will be a really good thing, but again, i'm not going to count my chickens.