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Old 01-30-2011, 11:24 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Originally Posted by MaybeSparrow View Post
This is fine for now, but maybe some day I won't be an emotionally constipated grad student, and when that day comes I might want a boyfriend. However, I can't continue playing with Sub under our current rules if I want to honestly and ethically be in a relationship that has a level of sharing beyond what I have now with Frienifits.
Um...why not? Seriously, if you were to get involved with me, I wouldn't give a thought to anybody with whom you're not having sex and whom isn't part of your daily life. You seeing him is much the same as you going to watch a chick flick at the theater--have fun and I'll see you later.

And even if I were to disclose, I don't know that "I have a submissive but you can't ever meet him and I don't want to talk about him ever again" would go over well with most folks.
The only way to find out is to go through that very situation. I wouldn't care and I doubt that I'm much of an outlier in the poly world. I suspect finding somebody who won't be rattled by that will be easier than you think.

I think that's much the same as telling about a hobby that you don't want as a shared activity--"I disappear into the shed once a week to polish my father's old garden tools, something I don't do with anybody else, so I'm not available then." Would you really want to get involved with somebody who has issues with you getting your dom fix?

So naturally, I take this hot mess and turn it over to the Internet. How do I have my cake and eat it too?
Schedule a dinner date with somebody who doesn't care if you have dessert and make certain you have enough time to enjoy it. Order it with extra frosting.
When speaking of various forms of ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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