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Old 01-30-2011, 11:24 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaybeSparrow View Post
This is fine for now, but maybe some day I won't be an emotionally constipated grad student, and when that day comes I might want a boyfriend. However, I can't continue playing with Sub under our current rules if I want to honestly and ethically be in a relationship that has a level of sharing beyond what I have now with Frienifits.
Um...why not? Seriously, if you were to get involved with me, I wouldn't give a thought to anybody with whom you're not having sex and whom isn't part of your daily life. You seeing him is much the same as you going to watch a chick flick at the theater--have fun and I'll see you later.

Quote:
And even if I were to disclose, I don't know that "I have a submissive but you can't ever meet him and I don't want to talk about him ever again" would go over well with most folks.
The only way to find out is to go through that very situation. I wouldn't care and I doubt that I'm much of an outlier in the poly world. I suspect finding somebody who won't be rattled by that will be easier than you think.

I think that's much the same as telling about a hobby that you don't want as a shared activity--"I disappear into the shed once a week to polish my father's old garden tools, something I don't do with anybody else, so I'm not available then." Would you really want to get involved with somebody who has issues with you getting your dom fix?

Quote:
So naturally, I take this hot mess and turn it over to the Internet. How do I have my cake and eat it too?
Schedule a dinner date with somebody who doesn't care if you have dessert and make certain you have enough time to enjoy it. Order it with extra frosting.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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